NOSCOPE SAGA: 360 DEGREES OF DEATH
by Smash the Ecchidna
Summary: A serious story about headshots and friendship.


**NOSCOPE SAGA: 360 DEGREES OF DEATH**

A serious story about headshots and friendship.

by _SMASH_ the _ECCHINA_

**…**

"War. War never changes." – Arin Hanson, 1914-1926

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**= Warzone, 0800 Hours =**

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John Gunman was shotting his gun at enemies in the Warzone one day. He was one of the best shotters in his squad. He got the top marks in Gunman school and had years upon years of real Warzone and gun shotting experience. He was so good at shotting enemies that top military generals and chiefs referred to him as "a sharpshotter". That's how good he was.

John Gunman continued to shot his gun toward the enemies. His role as a Gunman at the front lines was a dangerous one, and he knew that factoid well. It was life or death in the Warzone; sometimes both. But he had to do it. It was his duty as a heroic Gunman of his country, the best country on the world map.

John Gunman kept shotting at the enemies. The enemies were John Gunman's enemies because they also had guns and they shot at him with their guns. John Gunman had to shot at the enemies or else he would be shot. It was war. War against enemies. In the Warzone.

John Gunman kept firing his gun, knowing that all of his bullets stood for freedom, liberty, justice, and friendship, and that the enemies' bullets didn't. This is because he was on the good side of the war sides and the enemies were on the bad side because they were not from his country and John Gunman was and he was the hero Gunman of his country shotting for his country in the Warzone and the enemies were the enemy Gunmans for the enemies for the country that wasn't his.

Shotting his gun more, John Gunman shot at the enemies. Around him his comrades were dying from being shot at. "Charlie Alpha Tango Foxtrot Erkel Rocko Norman Zeus!" a John Gunman's comrade shouted at him before he got shot to death by enemies. He was saying Gunman words at John Gunman before he got shot. But John Gunman did not understand words. He did not become a Gunman to talk; he become a Gunman to shot. So he did.

Suddenly, John Gunman's gun stopped shotting. It stopped shotting because it ran out of bullets. He was scared for a moment, but then he wasn't because real men don't get scared. Instead he got mad. He got real mad. He got another gun out and shot with it. He shot real hard with it to make all the enemies die. He made sure to aim at the weak point: their heads. He was headshotting them. This was his special technique.

Eventually, John Gunman noticed all the shotting stopped except for his. John Gunman stood up and scoped around. All of the enemies were dead. All of his comrades were dead too. He was the only one left in the Warzone. He had the highest killspree. He, as many heroes might say, "owned all those knobs."

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**+ War Zone, 1000 Hours +**

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With all points bulleted, John Gunman had the time to sit down and think. Think about his country. His home. What he was shotting enemies to protect.

John Gunman thought about his family. His dad was "a world class sharpshotter", the best of his kind, who died saving John Gunman, his family, and the rest of the world from a worldwide zombie virus attack perpetrated by his long lost zombie uncle. John Gunman missed his dad. He was his inspiration to become "a sharpshotter". He was a true patriot.

John Gunman also thought about his friends at home:

Timothy, Bob, and Homer.

Simon, Miles, and Cave.

Egbert, Pinkie Pie, and Don Patch.

John Gunman missed them.

John Gunman remembered all the times they spent together. The years they spent together at Gecko-kun High, the times they all went go-carting in their Tonkas, the times they spunked for phat "loot" in "dungeons", and, most importantly, all the times they all told tokes into the night.

Lastly, John Gunman reminiscented about his most cherished memory: The time him and Pinkie smooched for the first time within the snug, romantic nooks of Reddit. It was the best night of his life even though Pinkie went afk right after John Gunman did that and she never got back.

John Gunman missed all these thingies. He missed them all because missing family and friends and the times they spent together and the times they snogged Pinkie Pie is what true heroes do. But he had no time to miss them because he was at war.

_~ War is terrible. ~_

**/ BuT iT hAd tO bE dOnE. \**

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*** War's Zone, 1001 Hours ***

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Suddenly, a gun bullet shot suddenly shotted by John Gunman's head; he was almost headshotted. John Gunman quickly grabbed his gun. Then he turned around and ducked at the same time. He turduckened.

John Gunman scoped out the enemies with his gun'scope. It allowed him to use his eyes really far. This was very important for a Gunman, especially "a sharpshotter" such as himself.

John Gunman saw the enemies on the War's Zone's horizon. They were enemies, that was for sure. But something was different about them. Something odd, like a bear on stairs.

Scoping closer, John Gunman saw why something was different about them. He saw that they were zombies. But not just zombies: they were Nazi zombies. But not just Nazi zombies: they were Nazi zombies with jetpacks.

John Gunman knew that the chances of coming out of a battle with Jetpack Nazi Zombies were close to none, but he rolled a natural 20 so he was good to go.

John Gunman started shotting at the Jetpack Nazi Zombies by scoping out their heads with his gun'scope and headshotting them. Despite their jetpacks, the Jetpack Nazi Zombies were still getting shotted down like flies on a pie. So they activated turbo mode on their jetpacks and speeded up until John Gunman was unable to scope out and headshot them. They became Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombies.

In reaction to the Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombies' newfound speed, John Gunman swore. He swore a lot because that is what real heroes do. He swore so much that everyone in the entire world had to cover their ears. Even sailors and teenagers and gamers blushed at how fowl it was. Doing this powered John Gunman up into John Gundamn and he was able to headshot the Jetpack Sonic Nazi Zombies again.

With fiddy percent of their forces gone, the Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombies knew they had no choice but to get into their Nazi Zakus. So they did.

Though most scrubs would be intimidated by such a showboat of strength, John Gundam was unfattered. What the Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombies did not realize about their Nazi Zakus is that they were big, which meant that they had big heads, which meant that they were easy to headshot, which meant that John Gundam was going to headshot them easily so he did and it worked.

In a last-ditch effort, the Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombies in their Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zakus combined into an Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombie Zaku Dragon. This was very bad.

John Gundam knew that the only thing effective against a dragon was a sword, so he grabbed one out of his pants. But then he realized that he did not know how to use a sword, because he only knew how to shot. John Gundam had no choice but to do a 360 and run away while the Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombie Zaku Dragon breathed Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombie Zaku Dragon Fire at him.

As he ran, John Gundam was sad. John Gundam knew that really truly manly heroes did not run away from strifing for freedom. He also knew that they did not get sad either, which made him a paradox. That was when John Gundam remembered the wise teachings of his mentor, Squall Leonhart.

John Gundam recalled what Squall always said to him during his lessons: "Whatever." This wisdom stood for "Do **whatever** it takes to win." Also his gun was a sword and that factoid gave John Gundam an idea.

John Gundam did another 360, grabbed his gun and his sword, stuck his sword in his gun, scoped out the Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombie Zaku Dragon's head, and headshot it. The sword pierced the Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombie Zaku Dragon's head and lodged itself deep inside the Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombie Zaku Dragon's brain. Its entire body then combuskened and collapsed into itself.

_The Evil Sonic Jetpack Nazi Zombie Zaku Dragon was no more. _

_John Gunman gained 50 billion EXP._

From the ashes, Hitler the Hedgehog rose up and waved a white flag. This meant that he was a loser and his side lost because he was a loser.

John Gunman saluted Hitler the Hedgehog and then headshot him. He then continued to shot him after headshotting him, making sure to turn his entire body into cheese. Afterward, John Gunman made his gun ejaculate even more bullets into the cheese holes which made them even bigger holes which made Hitler the Cheesehog more dead. Finally, John Gunman snogged a grenade into Hitler the Deadhog's head and headshot it, exploding him completely.

The war was over. John Gunman was the victor. Peace and prosperity would return to his country. Everything was happy end.

* * *

**$ Wormzone, 4444 Hours $**

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John Gunman packed his shit up and started to leave. As he strobed out of the War Place, he noticed some figures on the horizon. He quickly scoped them out.

Gasp! They were his friends! All of them! Wowzers! They must have arrived to congratulate John Gunman on a war well done. John Gunman began to ran up to them.

Dang "son"! They were decked out in army uniforms and everything! They all had their guns grabbed! They were even waving a flag. But wait... John Gunman's friends were not holding up the ice cream flag of friendship! No, they were holding up the tofu flag of war.

John Gunman was stunned for a moment before he realized the horrible truth: His friends were declaring war on him. But why? Was it his breath? Or was they're friendship just not as Tonka tough as he thought? As John Gunman pondered this predicament, his friends charged at him.

John Gunman tried to grab his gun and shot at them, but he couldn't. They were his enemies, but they were also his friends. They were frenemies. John Gunman had no experience warring against frenemies.

Soon, John Gunman was surrounded. His frenemies began to lay the smackdown on him.

First, Bob caught John Gunman in a giant jellyfish net. Then, Simon whipped John Gunman a bunch of times while calling him a monster who did not belong in this world. Next, Cave glared at John Gunman like an angry lily before squeezing a lemon into his eyes. Finally, Miles drove a plane into him.

John Gunman was critically injured, and he knew that the only way he could make it out alive was by fighting his friends. He began to raise his gun to shot with it. However, Timothy used Cosmoe and Wander to turn it into gum.

Although the sweet scent of bubble gum gum was refreshing to John Gunman, he knew that he was in big trouble. Without a gun, he had no way to shot. But he did see a door in the distance, so he "shot" toward it.

John Gunman opened the door, hoping it was the key to his salivation, but instead a bucket fell over his head. Curses! He should have known that doors don't exist in war!

John Gunman lifted his bucket head off and saw his friends right in front of them. They immediately performed an all-out attack, resulting in John Gunman getting beat up bad like the Nostalgia Cricket when he sucks. John Gunman tried to shrek, but he couldn't because Homer stuck a donut in his mouth.

John Egbert stood over John Gunman. John was entirely emotionless as he watched John get owned by everyone else. "Why, John? I thought we were friends?" John wanted to say to John as he reached out toward John. But John just silently stared at John as Pinkie Pie castrated John.

All hope seemed lost for John Gunman. Right next to him was Don Patch, who was busily drawing pictures of him getting glomped by the Grim Reaper to put on DeviantArt. It was a signal that the end was near.

But John Gunman had one last trick up his sleeve: Snow Yoga.

In one swift maneuver, John Gunman turduckened, bent over his back, and pinched his chesticles. As soon as he did that, incredible beams of snow came bursting out of every orifice on his body and some not. The beams were strong, fast, and hard. It was as if John Gunman's body was a gun that was shotting bullets on its own; except the bullets weren't bullets, they were snow.

Everyone was caught in the attack. None were safe from the onslaught.

Then, just as suddenly as it started, John Gunman's final flash finished. All of John Gunman's friend enemies were dead. Dead from snow beam headshots. Their bodies hit the floor.

The world around John Gunman was coloured fiddy percent red and fiddy percent white. To a scrub's eyes, this would appear to be a winter wonderland. But this was not the Christmaszone; it was the Warzone. And the ground was not a giant candy cane; it was blood on the snow.

John Gunman's bent back then broke. His body was paralyzed, and his wounds were fatal. Nothing could help him now, because there was no respawn in this war. Love was over for him, the "a sharpshotter" of Time.

As John Gunman took his last frosty breath, he looked around him. Enemies, comrades, friends, frenemies; all were dead in this Zone of the Warers.

The savage scene before John Gunman's eyes, his last sight before passing on, was, as some might say...

_360 Degrees of Dead Dudes._

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**…** **The Blake End …**


End file.
